(So this will be the first installation in a new series of posts I hope to do entitled "R&R: Refuse and Resolve". Basically, if you are familiar with Jonathan Edwards' Resolutions, it will look similar to that. I am not as intelligent or theologically brilliant or charismatic as Edwards, nor will I try to be. These posts will mostly consist of experiences that I have had in the Christian faith which I think it likely others have had as well. So, here goes. Let me know if this blesses you at all. I pray it does so I am not just wasting time.)
I am a man with a guilty conscience. In my 22 years on this earth I have done many things that have hurt others, myself, and offended the Almighty. I have hurt people with selfish actions and uncaring words. There are many people I can think of off the top of my head whom I have wronged in one way or another. In short: I am a sinner.
Many of my nights are spent lying awake in my bed, dwelling on all of the wrong I have done. Friends I have hurt; family I have hurt; words I have spoken and things I have done to others. Things I have said and done to people that I can never take back and never apologize for enough. People that I have wronged who have left my life and who I will likely never see again, their only recollection of me being a memory of hurt feelings.
In this state of mind, I often turn to Isaiah 53, a common Scripture reading during Holy Week.
"Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and Yahweh has laid on him the iniquity of us all." Isaiah 53:4-6
All the sin I have ever committed; all of the hurt that I have caused, has been laid on Christ. He has borne it all so that I could be forgiven. If you are a sinner with a guilty conscience like mine, I implore you to repent and believe in Christ. He has died for sinners like you and I.
Refusal: I refuse to be kept awake at night by the whispers of my guilty conscience and the knowledge of my own sin.
Resolve: I resolve that if I am kept awake by anything at night, it will be dwelling upon the love of my Savior, his crucifixion, and on his resurrection from the dead. It is through him that I have received new life.
"For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." 1 Corinthians 2:2
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